Just recently DJ and I have gone through one of the hardest times in our lives...at my routine 16 week doctor appointment, our doctor realized that I had dilated 2-3 cm and that a bulging membrane had formed on the outside of the cervix. Just after hearing the baby's heartbeat at 154 beats per minute, it was really hard to hear this news. The doctor immediately admitted us into the hospital for further tests. After an ultrasound, it revealed that the cervix had closed some, but it also showed that the membrane was bulging outside of the cervix, which needed to be remedied as soon as possible in order to save the pregnancy. We also learned that we'd be having a little girl and that I was actually 17 weeks 2 days! At that we were elated! My orders were to be in the Trindelenberg position, which meant my pelvis needed to be above my head- a very uncomfortable place to be for 20 weeks. I realized very quickly that I was willing to do anything for this little baby!
We had prenatal specialists and doctors and nurses come in one after the other telling us pretty much the same thing over and over again that the prognosis was grim. There was the occasional compassionate, Christian nurse that would give us a little light at the end of the tunnel that would help me get through the day, but even that was few and far between. The only thing that sustained us was our faith in God that His will would be done and to know that God does everything with purpose! Everyday we were able to spend time together reading the Bible, praying, and having a little worship in our hospital room. Our hearts were really encouraged by God in this time, He spoke through guests, family, and friends so strongly! Right before my 2 week stay mark, a prenatal specialist came to get an update on how I was doing. She did an ultrasound only to find that the membrane had gotten a little bigger and that the amniotic sac around the baby had shrunk a little. Apparently the Trindelenberg position hadn't helped all that much and so she gave us the option at that point to either stay in the hospital or go home and stay on bed rest. That placed us in desperation to hear the Lord's voice. I didn't know how I felt and didn't seem to have peace one way or another. DJ went home later that day and before doing anything else, he sat in a chair in the living room and asked God what to do. Just as he asked, he heard, "Bring her home!" Very clearly he knew that the Holy Spirit was leading him and that this was our answer we were seeking. After relaying this to me, we decided it was what we were to do and that following Friday we were discharged to go home. I stayed on strict bed rest with DJ helping me do everything the nurses had helped me with in the hospital such as using the bed pan and having bed baths. It wasn't easy but were both in agreement that we'd do anything to prolong the pregnancy!
I started to have contractions on Saturday that seemed stronger than Braxton Hicks, so I decided to keep track of them. By the end of the day they were starting to get closer together. In the 7 o'clock hour I had several and they were anywhere from 5-15 minutes apart. Earlier in the day I had started to not feel good and by the time I wanted to go to sleep, I felt a little better. I felt a good night's rest might help some, so I fell asleep about 11 PM. At around 12:30 AM I woke up feeling sick to my stomach so I switched positions and went back to sleep. At 2 AM I woke up having really strong contractions. After waiting a half hour I woke DJ up and explained how I was feeling. He began to pray and in that time I could hear the desperation in his voice not knowing what to do. After deciding to go to the hospital, we got dressed and made it to the front door, almost leaving when my hearing and vision started to fade and I felt nauseous. We went back to the bedroom. I sat down on the bed and I felt like a water balloon popped inside of me, inevitably knowing that it was my water breaking. At that point we knew we needed to call an ambulance to take me to the hospital instead of us driving ourselves. They arrived and while asking us all the important questions, they got me on oxygen to help my blood pressure rise back up. I was loaded into the ambulance and soon we were in the Pomona Valley Hospital ER taking appropriate measures to take away the pain of the contractions! The baby had dropped and my doctor wanted me admitted into Labor and Delivery to take further action, which ultimately would end in labor. We were saddened by this news, but I knew that God had us in the palm of His hands and I felt peace.
My doctor came in after about 13 hours of me not having contractions (because of the IV they had me on), and said she'd like to have me start pushing. My Mom had just arrived by plane from Iowa, making me feel a little better having her there with us. We had discussed with the doctor previously that we wouldn't be terminating the pregnancy and that it would be happening naturally. She agreed and at 5 PM we started pushing. After what seemed like hours, we gave birth to a still born baby at 6:14 PM, naming her Miracle Lynn Steen. She was 8.6 ounces and 9 1/2 inches long. We were able to spend time with her, touching her little fingers and toes and admiring her features that were very much starting to look just like her Mommy and Daddy's. She was beautiful!
Even 3 days later, our hearts are still broken, but we've begun to see how the Lord would use this tragedy as a ministry in our lives and lives around us. We are thankful for how our friends and family have surrounded us with love and support, thoughts and prayers and have really reached out in our time of great need! We have great expectation for what God will do in the coming days and even though it is very bittersweet, DJ and I put our trust in His will to be done in our time of great loss.
